I’ve lost all incentive
Any hope that once lived
This pain that i’m feeling
Leaves me with nothing to give
The whirlwind of liquid
Consuming my entire being
Sinking down in the darkness
Has left me with no longer feeling
Having refused to break down
To show any emotion
I’m left with my solitude
Devoid of any devotion
If there be pain
I will meet it head on
Never to shed another tear
For the love that is gone
This is just a rough draft, and I intend to improve on it based off of your feedback. Please comment and let me know any thoughts or suggestions.
Nomad
2 comments:
I can feel the emotion that you are painting with your words. Nice poem - intense. Reminds me of my defiance when *he* shattered my ideals of love.
Just a suggestion:
"Has left me with no longer feeling"
Grammar-wise, you may revise it to:
i. Has left me no longer feeling
ii. Has left me with no feelings
Keep on writing! :)
"Whirlwind of liquid." Were you caught in a tropical storm?
Perhaps you could write a poem about how those winding trails seem to only accentuate the meaningless of life. Or how too many ridden with angst turn to empty symbolism as the conduit to catharsis.
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